My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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