You don't have asthma, your pregnant
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
