I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dick very happy bro
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
