Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She said her name was "party"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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