That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
