when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
