How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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