she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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