I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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