you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
where are my eyebrows?
tell me about the eggs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
