there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
