my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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