i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
