after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
