sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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