we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
