Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
