He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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