We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
