its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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