I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
