I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
