A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
