"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
