In the future we'll all be gay
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
