Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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