We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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