A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
