I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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