you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
