I met the friendliest cop last night
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Still dying that you shit outside
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need water and some morals
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
