Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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