My nipple is on Facebook.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
