i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
