She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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