There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
