I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
