It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
