JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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