I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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