guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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