this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
