May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
