a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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