Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
