**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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