I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She said her name was "party"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
