Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
