she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
