It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
