life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
3 2 1 whiskey
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
