I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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