Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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