I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
