yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
