So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
