I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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