Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
