Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
