Pappa wants mamma naked
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
