He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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