I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
