I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
