Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
