i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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