Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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