we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
And then he peed in my hair
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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