I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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