he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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