The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
