I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
