She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
